anxiety.

I don't know why this past week has been full of a lot of anxiety. And not the good kind. Not the productive, excited about something kind. More like the panic, not wanting to be in public anxiety. I know I'm stressed about money, going back to the school district [new school, new position, still haven't gotten a call to do my paperwork for it], working at the bakery [it's not going as well as it should], family, friends, dating, etc. I'm not really sure how to take a deep breath and just face everything, all I know is I'm gonna be up in about 5 1/2 hours going to work, and I'll make it there.

After work tomorrow I have to drive straight to my parents in San Diego for my brother's birthday. He's flying in from SF. I'm really excited to see him and my parents, but right now all I want to do is come home after work tomorrow and crawl into bed. This is definitely frustrating.

I don't know if I'm stressing also about the first date I've been on in who knows how long. This guy is rad though and I'm excited to get to know him. We had a french toast dinner on Monday night, and then hit up karaoke across the street. He sang a few songs which were fantastic, met my friends, we danced around like silly kids, and had a good time overall. I'm just over thinking and over analyzing everything now, which is so pointless. I need to just have fun, and whatever happens, happens. It's nothing serious and I'm making everything so serious in my head. I wish I could just let my emotions go on vacation for a while cause they really do get in the way sometimes.

The last 6 months have consisted of me getting more and more wrapped up in work, which is fine, but it's made it hard to think about dating anyone. And as much as I want to have someone in my life, I'm being so cautious about it because I'm so afraid of getting hurt again and becoming a major mess. I'm trying to be a grown-up about everything, but somehow my 16 y/o self keeps creeping out.

Maybe getting out of town for a day or so will be a good thing. Plus I'm going to Stone on Friday morning because they're releasing their Smoked Porter with Vanilla Beans for growler fills. I'll definitely have to write a review up on that.

[It's really amazing how writing all this down has already helped me relax. Thank you internetz. I know a lot of people think it's weird to have a public blog where you pour your heart out, but I've been writing in online journals for almost 10 years and they've always been so helpful to me.]


This last week I've been terribly obsessed with Mumford & Sons. They remind me of The Avett Brothers... but better. I know that some hipster might come try to punch me in the neck for saying that [and come on, your little vegan arms can't really do anything], but seriously, Mumford & Sons have stolen my heart.


I've been reminded of how amazing this song is thanks to karaoke this past Monday. And I realize now that I really need to own 500 Days of Summer.


And this is just because it happens to be one of my favorite Smiths songs.

Well seeing as I'm going to get only about 5 hours of sleep by time I finished writing this, I should probably go to bed. I think I've written myself into sleepmode finally.

xx