unsure.

The bear and I had our worst first since October last night. It escalated so quickly, and was over something so dumb that I'm finding myself get angrier and angrier as the day goes by. I guess we're okay right now, and I'm trying to play things down and not lecture him right now about how much he hurt me. That conversation can be had at a later date when the dust has settled.

It's just hard when someone makes you feel like they won't break your heart, and then they rip it apart so easily. He actually did rip his Kindle in half, and while I watch it happen, I could feel the pain growing more and more inside me. The words he said while this was happening was below the belt. I know that I'm an overly sensitive person, but it's worse when it comes from someone you love.

I stayed up most of the night crying and writing him a letter that I'm not sure if I can even give him. I haven't reread it yet today because I know it says a lot of honest things that I might not want to remind myself with.

I'm such a ball of confusion right now. I don't know whether to be angry or sad. And the only way I can think to do is listen to music that feels the same pain I'm feeling right now.

I'm supposed to be going to his house for dinner in about an hour, and I'm really not looking forward to it at all. I'd much rather stay at home, listening to music, and drinking cheap beer. But alas, I am out of beer, and I don't want to make matters worse by not going. The truth is I'm going more for his sister than him. She's such a great gal, and I really like her a lot, and it was more her inviting me than him, so I feel obligated to not be a dick to her.

So for the next hour I'm gonna continue to listen to sad music and actually feel what I need to feel. I know that's sad and unhealthy, but if I don't do it now, I'll never give myself that chance.









xx