woo.

I'm smitten and it feels so good. I'm not even gonna bother second guessing it, because that never gets me anywhere.

And I'm actually losing my voice because we've spent the last 3 days talking for hours on end.

Who knew a guy that I've been chatting with sporadically for a few months would turn out to be such a rad guy that I totally click with? I'm so excited to see where this all goes. And to have more conversations until 7am. And more beer, and food, and grocery store dates.

Besides this whole smitten thing, I'm exhausted and enthralled with work. Long days are never fun, but it keeps me busy and I'm back to making the money I've been missing. I'm trying to find time to read and catch up on TV, but it's hard. I really need to reread the Harry Potter series before the next movie comes out in November. I just find putting time aside to lay in bed and read difficult. I always feel like there's somewhere else I need to be, or I should be sleeping, or doing laundry, or etc etc etc.

I guess it's important that I make some time for myself so I don't go crazy. And starting to date someone new is exciting and scary, and we both don't want things to move too fast... so this ME time is really necessary. Along with making time to see friends and family.

I feel terrible not having time to see my favorite people lately. But hopefully once I get used to my new routine I'll learn how to balance everything.

Thankfully right now though the only thing I need to worry about is getting some sleep. 7am is gonna sneak up on me.

xx

again.

Well, ya win some and ya lose most of them. At least I don't feel bad and it was only a few dates. So glad I didn't get my hopes up.

Tomorrow I start my crazy schedule once again. Ugh I should have slept in more today to take advantage! Closing at work is taking some time to get used. I really enjoy being able to bake again, but it's a lot more physical labor. It's kicking my ass in a good way.

I'm very much looking forward to this weekend and David's beer filled bbq. I lucked up and actually got Sunday off from the bakery so I can sleep and recover before going back to work Monday morning.



And for no particular reason, I'm currently playing this song on repeat. And I would do just about anything to see these men live. Like now. Preferably a private show in my living room.

xx

anxiety.

I don't know why this past week has been full of a lot of anxiety. And not the good kind. Not the productive, excited about something kind. More like the panic, not wanting to be in public anxiety. I know I'm stressed about money, going back to the school district [new school, new position, still haven't gotten a call to do my paperwork for it], working at the bakery [it's not going as well as it should], family, friends, dating, etc. I'm not really sure how to take a deep breath and just face everything, all I know is I'm gonna be up in about 5 1/2 hours going to work, and I'll make it there.

After work tomorrow I have to drive straight to my parents in San Diego for my brother's birthday. He's flying in from SF. I'm really excited to see him and my parents, but right now all I want to do is come home after work tomorrow and crawl into bed. This is definitely frustrating.

I don't know if I'm stressing also about the first date I've been on in who knows how long. This guy is rad though and I'm excited to get to know him. We had a french toast dinner on Monday night, and then hit up karaoke across the street. He sang a few songs which were fantastic, met my friends, we danced around like silly kids, and had a good time overall. I'm just over thinking and over analyzing everything now, which is so pointless. I need to just have fun, and whatever happens, happens. It's nothing serious and I'm making everything so serious in my head. I wish I could just let my emotions go on vacation for a while cause they really do get in the way sometimes.

The last 6 months have consisted of me getting more and more wrapped up in work, which is fine, but it's made it hard to think about dating anyone. And as much as I want to have someone in my life, I'm being so cautious about it because I'm so afraid of getting hurt again and becoming a major mess. I'm trying to be a grown-up about everything, but somehow my 16 y/o self keeps creeping out.

Maybe getting out of town for a day or so will be a good thing. Plus I'm going to Stone on Friday morning because they're releasing their Smoked Porter with Vanilla Beans for growler fills. I'll definitely have to write a review up on that.

[It's really amazing how writing all this down has already helped me relax. Thank you internetz. I know a lot of people think it's weird to have a public blog where you pour your heart out, but I've been writing in online journals for almost 10 years and they've always been so helpful to me.]


This last week I've been terribly obsessed with Mumford & Sons. They remind me of The Avett Brothers... but better. I know that some hipster might come try to punch me in the neck for saying that [and come on, your little vegan arms can't really do anything], but seriously, Mumford & Sons have stolen my heart.


I've been reminded of how amazing this song is thanks to karaoke this past Monday. And I realize now that I really need to own 500 Days of Summer.


And this is just because it happens to be one of my favorite Smiths songs.

Well seeing as I'm going to get only about 5 hours of sleep by time I finished writing this, I should probably go to bed. I think I've written myself into sleepmode finally.

xx