weird.

Consoling your heartbreaker about their recent heartbreak is the weirdest thing ever. But apparently I have a motherly side somewhere in my body.

lonely.

So I'm in one of those moods where I don't know if it's PMS or loneliness or I'm just completely exhausted. I fell asleep around 8pm last night and woke up at 415am for work, still in a weird mood. I really don't know how to shake the funk, and I have to be on my best behavior the next few days because I have 2 more early mornings at work. It's hard to bounce between jobs and not have a moment to decompress, but a girl has to pay the bills.

It's times like this where I think it would be so much easier to deal with everything if I had someone to stand beside me in the tough times. Like if I had someone's hand to hold at the end of the day all my problems would magically melt away. I've done that before, and I know it's not totally true, but it would be nice to have someone's should to cry on when I'm too exhausted to move.

And then I feel guilty for having these feelings because I'm an independent gal, I work 2 jobs, I pay my own bills, I walk myself home late at night from the bar... why do I need someone? I think it's now more of a selfish 'want' than a real 'need.' I don't know if I've ever really NEEDED anyone to validate myself.

So all you happy [or even unhappy] couples out there, I'm a little jealous of your bed companion. And your weeknight movie companion. And your kissing in the rain companion. Sappy enough yet?



I've also been completely obsessed with this song. It's the sweetest and saddest song about a one night stand that I've ever heard. I love Hello Saferide because she's completely silly and honest at the same time. It's definitely one of those albums where I feel like 99% of the songs were written personally for me. And I wish I could blast them from my balcony so everyone could finally understand me and why I'm so sad sometimes.

Please bear with my emoness for a bit. I promise it will pass. I guarantee it!

xx

fuck.

I don't care what anyone thinks or says...

today was rough. And I made a huge decision despite what others think is important or not. This was important to me. This was part of my day to day life. This is forcing me to break habits that felt so natural to me. I've never had to do anything like this before, and it's the reason I'm up at almost 4am listening to confusing music for my confused mind.

I have never felt the need to disappear so much in my life. I wish I could coma it up for a few weeks and wake up refreshed and aware of what my next step should be.

But since that won't happen I'm just going to keep baking cupcakes at work tonight, and just concentrate on me for the first time. At least to the best of my abilities.

Oh and BTW, my abilities suck a lot for the most part.

xx