sing-sing.

Dear Santa Ana,

I'm pretty sure karaoke at Proof, amazing friends, and the best roommate a girl could dream of saved my soul tonight. Or what's left of it at least.

So looking forward to breakfast and buying black chef pants and making sure my internetz stays awesome tomorrow morning. Let's hope I fit laundry and sleep in there somewhere. That could be important.

Let's hope that I can properly make buttercream and frost cupcakes this week because it could mean big amazing changes to my life.

xx

candice

notes.

Kurt Halsey makes me happy.

Just so you know... I am totally missing you right now.

xx

BAMF.

Sometimes I pretend to be badass. And sometimes I do things that are actually badass. I think this qualifies me as being a BAMF.

wander.

So in less than an hour I'll be on my way to Sid's to get my chest piece done. Oh man! I'm so nervous! I'm excited, but freaking out at the same time. I couldn't get anyone to go with me, which is fine, but it would be nice to have a little bit of support when Bill's jabbing at me with needles for the next few hours. I can't believe what a total nerd I am to actually be getting a huge Lord of the Rings tattoo. I think this is going to motivate me into reading the books again right now. Ugh so much to read, and so little time. I'm still working on HP for my 7th re-read.

Ahhh well I'm sure I have enough vitamin water to get me through the process. And cigarettes. And I just ate a big bowl of mac n cheese so hopefully the carbs will help out too.

Yay for new pretty ink! I'm sure I'll have some kind of pictures to post in the next few days of it.

xx

hopefully.

cakespy.com is all sorts of amazing.

I really think I want to get a few of those guys tattooed on me! Would fit in perfectly with my baking/food sleeve.

So it's raining again, and after a really emotional morning, I'm feeling a lot better to have cried it all out. [And now it seems like the sky is crying, so maybe I won't have to anymore.] I went and got my hair cut for the first time in almost 3 months. Oh goodness was it needed. Thanks to my lovely friend Nicole at Splitends I don't look like a mess anymore.

I have a sinking feeling that this week is going to be a messy one for me, so the lack of alcohol and social settings that I'll be involving myself in will probably be a good thing. It's just amazing how quickly and seamlessly things can change without you even knowing. And once you realize it's out of your control, it's a bit refreshing yet completely heartbreaking at the same time. I know I cannot change anyone's mind about a situation, they are going to make their own decisions, I just hope that it will turn out to be for the best in the end. Right now I'm not too positive about this situation, I'm actually sad and angry and confused all wrapped up in one, but like I said it's out of my control.

I'm such a fixer, when things go bad I want to find a solution as quickly as possible. But for once in my life I know there's nothing I can do to repair a broken friendship if both parties aren't willing. I can't help but question the last year and I wonder if every good time & bad time was worth it, especially if we're not going to end up being friends in the end. What was I fighting for this whole time? But I have to remind myself about all the times he's made me laugh, and all the stupid inside jokes we collected. How we practically had our own language. And how for the first time in a long time I felt like someone really understood the real me. But times get tough and not everything is supposed to last I suppose. Maybe we'll get back on the same page someday. Maybe I won't be sad forever, or at least feel like I'm going to be. And hopefully someday soon he'll make me laugh again like that first night we hung out & stayed up talking until 5am. I do have hope that it will happen. It might be the only thing that's keeping me going.

And one day soon I'll have a bacon cupcake party, and bitter Candice will be gone, and it will be delicious and awesome.

xx