hopefully.

cakespy.com is all sorts of amazing.

I really think I want to get a few of those guys tattooed on me! Would fit in perfectly with my baking/food sleeve.

So it's raining again, and after a really emotional morning, I'm feeling a lot better to have cried it all out. [And now it seems like the sky is crying, so maybe I won't have to anymore.] I went and got my hair cut for the first time in almost 3 months. Oh goodness was it needed. Thanks to my lovely friend Nicole at Splitends I don't look like a mess anymore.

I have a sinking feeling that this week is going to be a messy one for me, so the lack of alcohol and social settings that I'll be involving myself in will probably be a good thing. It's just amazing how quickly and seamlessly things can change without you even knowing. And once you realize it's out of your control, it's a bit refreshing yet completely heartbreaking at the same time. I know I cannot change anyone's mind about a situation, they are going to make their own decisions, I just hope that it will turn out to be for the best in the end. Right now I'm not too positive about this situation, I'm actually sad and angry and confused all wrapped up in one, but like I said it's out of my control.

I'm such a fixer, when things go bad I want to find a solution as quickly as possible. But for once in my life I know there's nothing I can do to repair a broken friendship if both parties aren't willing. I can't help but question the last year and I wonder if every good time & bad time was worth it, especially if we're not going to end up being friends in the end. What was I fighting for this whole time? But I have to remind myself about all the times he's made me laugh, and all the stupid inside jokes we collected. How we practically had our own language. And how for the first time in a long time I felt like someone really understood the real me. But times get tough and not everything is supposed to last I suppose. Maybe we'll get back on the same page someday. Maybe I won't be sad forever, or at least feel like I'm going to be. And hopefully someday soon he'll make me laugh again like that first night we hung out & stayed up talking until 5am. I do have hope that it will happen. It might be the only thing that's keeping me going.

And one day soon I'll have a bacon cupcake party, and bitter Candice will be gone, and it will be delicious and awesome.

xx