believe.

It's really amazing to me how much things have changed in the past few months. The bear & I have been through some crazy shit ever since we started dating. And for us only being together a little over 2 months, it feels like SO much longer. I question about things moving too fast, but this is different. It doesn't feel like the lustful, head in the clouds, kind of relationship. The things we've been through have been real adult issues, and the fact that we've been able to get through them fine gives me so much hope for the future.

He's starting to apply for jobs now, since he's just been a student ever since he got out of the military a year ago. And since he's applying for jobs outside of Orange County, we've had to discuss our options. Without any doubt, he's told me that he wants me to move with him if he does get a job outside OC. This is exciting and nerve wrecking for me. The idea of finally getting out of OC is great, especially since I've been wanting to make the move for quite some time. But is this too soon? Am I rushing into something?

Just the fact that I've had him tell me that he wants to take care of me, he wants to make enough money so I don't have to work 2 jobs anymore; this is just so new to me. I've been independent for so long, but at the same time he really does make me want to trust someone to care for me.

I can envision this future. I can see how great it would be. And I'm more happy than nervous at the thought of us going and starting a life together. I guess it's more the thought in the back of my head... what's everyone else going to think? This is terrible, because it's not their life and my true friends will be supportive of me. But at the same time, I understand why people would be concerned.

I know this is a lot to think about when he doesn't even have the job yet. And that I'll cross that bridge when I get there. There's just so much going through my head, and it's really been a long and strange day, that of course I'm over thinking it.

At the end of the day, him & I will end up where we need to be at the right time. I believe that. Everything really does happen for a reason.

-----

Besides all the business that's been going on, I've been working and still getting over my illness. I'm feeling quite a lot better, so much so that bear & I went out in LBC last night. It was a nice change of scenery, but man is it so much easier to drop money when there's cover charges on top of drinks. I'm pretty spoiled in Santa Ana.

I have to go back to work tomorrow. I took today off because we had a car issue this morning that left both of us a little shaken up. Lucky for me, my manager was really understanding, as well as my coworkers.

At least I do get to sleep in tomorrow, then go make some delicious cupcakes, and come home to crash by 9pm. Next week is going to be very long since I'll be working at least 7 days in a row. Let's just hope that nothing else exciting happens tomorrow. I'm looking for a nice boring, work filled week.

So good night. I hope to pass out to the sweet bass of Proof Bar coming through my window.

xx